Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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