I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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