i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
