it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
