I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
