I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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