butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
