It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
