@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
