This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
