Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize