I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Everything about him screamed your future.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
