I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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