I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
