it wasn't lemon gatorade
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize