I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
