i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
