I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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