Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
