I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
