Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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