Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
