god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This girl is more easily done than said...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
