Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
pray to the hookup gods
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
