I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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