How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
