i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
