hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
