There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
be right there i have to get my cape
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
