That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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