the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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