K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
