South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
