Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
