I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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