4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
