I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
