It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
