Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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