His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
