he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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