hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
