I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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