After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
