I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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