The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize