i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
don't judge my taste in strippers
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
