I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
