Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just cropdusted the office
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
