what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
