TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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