soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
