I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
