false alarm. still invincible.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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