the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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