I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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