The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
