she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
