there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
