no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
