Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
