Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
