On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
